OL8755708W Page-progression lr Page_number_confidence 93.90 Pages 348 Ppi 400 Related-external-id urn:isbn:1442001143 Urn:lcp:tweakgrowingupon00shef:epub:511e26d0-06d5-4d9b-a2df-94b71764c790 Extramarc The Indiana University Catalog Foldoutcount 0 Identifier tweakgrowingupon00shef Identifier-ark ark:/13960/t0gt6bw2f Isbn 9781416913627ġ416913629 Lccn 2008923615 Ocr_converted abbyy-to-hocr 1.1.20 Ocr_module_version 0.0.17 Openlibrary_edition It's been five years.Access-restricted-item true Addeddate 17:48:20 Bookplateleaf 0003 Boxid IA124808 Boxid_2 CH120120402-BL1 Camera Canon EOS 5D Mark II City New York DonorĪlibris Edition 1st ed. When she approaches me, I don't even recognize her at first. But control was something I'd lost a long time ago.Anyway, Lauren was not someone I thought about a whole lot. It was like being in a car with the gas pedal slammed down to the floor and nothing to do but hold on and pretend to have some semblance of control. (Chicago Tribune)Tweak is.Bukowski and Burroughs, the heart to his dads. of The Night Listener and Michael Tolliver Lives)Difficult to read and impossible to put down. I was ashamed of my behavior, but still I kept going forward. Nic Sheffs wrenching tale is told with electrifying honesty and insight. Or, not from Lauren so much as, well, the person I was becoming. Maybe it was them I wanted to shield from Lauren the most. We'd come in late, late and leave early in the morning - whispering so as not to wake up my little brother and sister. I remember not wanting my parents to meet her. I remember being ashamed to bring her to my house. We'd both been really screwed up all the time and I had a history of dating, well, not the most balanced girls. When I heard later that she'd been put in rehab for cocaine abuse and severe bulimia, I guess it wasn't that surprising. And that pretty much continued through high school.Lauren and I really never got very close back then. When I was twelve I was smoking pot every day - sneaking off into the bushes during recess. It scared me, honestly, and I didn't drink again like that for a long time.Instead I started smoking pot. My excuse for the vomit everywhere was food poisoning. Anyway, that night I threw up for probably an hour straight and then passed out on the bathroom floor.I woke up with almost no memory of what I'd done. I'm told I resemble him more than anyone else - a long face, with eyes like drops of water running down. My grandfather drank himself to death before I was born. Something was driving me that I couldn't identify and still don't comprehend. The thing was, I couldn't stop.I drank some and then I just had to drink more until the whole glass was drained empty. My friend drank a little bit and stopped, unable to take anymore. I was curious to know what it felt like to get good and proper drunk. We poured a little bit from each bottle into a glass, filling it almost three- quarters of the way with the different-colored, sweet-smelling liquid. It just affected me in a way that didn't seem normal.When I was eleven my family went snowboarding up in Tahoe, and a friend and I snuck into the liquor cabinet afterdinner. I almost always blacked out, so I could remember little to nothing of what'd happened. Plus I was drinking more and more, sometimes during the day. We'd go into the hills of Marin County, dropping acid or eating mushrooms - walking through the dry grass and overgrown cypress trees,giggling and babbling incoherently. Every break in classes had me driving off to get high. In high school I was rolling blunts and smoking them in the car as I drove to school. Our friends did - it was totally accepted.But with me things were different. So I just started smoking some pot and what harm could that do me anyway? Hell, my dad used to smoke pot. My writing had been published in Newsweek. Sure I'd had some problems smoking weed and drinking too much when I was younger, but that was all behind me. I'd worked hard those last three and a half years. I was seventeen and had been accepted at prestigious universities across the country and Ifigured a little partying was due me. Back in high school it was just pot, maybe I'd do some acid and mushrooms on the weekend.But I smoked pot every day. She had moved to San Francisco when I was a senior and we met somehow - at a party or something. Actually, I was sleeping with her for about two weeks. I mean, I never even knew her that well but we'd sort of hung out a few times in high school. Day 1I'd heard rumors about what happened to Lauren.
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